Mama

Mama, Mama I can’t find you. Always whenever you rarely come to see me, you tell me these people aren’t my mom’s they are just people and that I need to respect them, these people. But they aren’t my mother, you are, you tell me that you will come back soon. How soon is soon? Mama, where do you go? Where are you? These people, mama, their mean haggy and old, no one really cares about me. Do you even care, mama?

The worst day of my life was the day that they stole mama from me, these big people just took me away not telling me anything. The worst part was mama didn’t even seem sad she just waved and smiled goodbye like she would when I get on the bus in the morning.

The second worst day was the day that I faced foster home. I cried and cried but there was nothing that I could do about it, I was alone. All alone with nobody that I know. I remember mommy she is young and pretty, with dark hair and pretty green eyes. The picture, the only picture of my mama is the one that I have saved in my head. My only memory.

Mama, she was the kindest lady you’d ever met, she had a wonderful personality that mama did. These ladies that were my foster mom’s never had anything on mama, sleeping in the tiny attic of the rickety old house, just like that stupid old wrinkly lady. Lovely pretty mama that doesn’t know me. That never comes to visit me. That never cares about me. That will never ever love me.  My mama won’t.

It’s been 10 years since you saw me, mama. I have given up on you; you will never come to see me. I know this now. I have not treated those mean people like what you said years and years ago, but I would rather have that you would come back and be my mama again. But I guess that I am not that important any more, why don’t you love me mama? 

                                                                                                                                              

Even after all this time mama doesn’t love me. I thought that maybe someday she would remember me and come to save me. But no mama leaves me all alone. I am just a lonely person, I have never had any people that ever love or that have ever cared about me. Nor will any other people will look at me with loving eyes or caring eyes and not even sympathetic eyes. Eyes of nothingness.

Mama because no one will ever love me why should I be alive even. I have thought about this many of the sleepless nights that I lay awake thinking about you, mama.  So I have decided that I shouldn’t be around anymore.  Goodbye, mama. I love you. It’s just such a shame that you don’t love me mama. Our world would be such a greater place, I never knew what a good world this could have been.