Someone out there

Blistering snow fell in heavy flakes, as it poured down in drifts from the edges of buildings and towers. Sounds picturesque until you come face first into the splattering slush; while the horrid screeching of over-used brakes can be heard during rush hour. Even after falling in the frozen tundra while walking the five miles home it was more cheerful than I it could be at home.

A familiar smiling face was turned away from me but I could see though the glass reflection in the window. As that face smiled and laughed at the television still listening to my ranting over useless topics; but it would be that very moment that caught the sobbing and tearful eyes of myself. First, the feelings in the room had changed it went from the over joyful family to the dreaded silence in a hospital waiting room. Only that analogy is too close to what truly happens. I asked the dumbest question that day, 'Are you alright?' Why couldn't I have snuck in the words 'I love you, Mom.' Or 'It’s going to be okay.' But instead I ruined my life by that one sentence. It was her body hitting the floor like a sack of potatoes, in that final moment I knew something had gone terribly wrong. I let my mind take over. While calling 911 I was sobbing, telling them that I need an ambulance as well as the paramedics; telling them the situation as well as our address.

Tears filled my eyes, I feel into the sidewalk wishing that some how that day my mother had never died. Some how that day the paramedics were capable of saving her life. Some how that day was never reality. That I would never have to go through life second guessing relationships because I am fearful for their lives. That I would never been through what any person should ever go through. That I would never have to live with my father. That I would never think over my whole life that has been lead by abuse and lies. Wishing that someone out there will save me from my life. Hoping that someone could pull me back to happiness. But there's no chance for that.